The Most Unexpected Hurt
As I’m sure is true of most prospective foster parents, we had our share of expectations going into this. We expected it would be challenging to our family dynamic (that’s an understatement). We expected to be frustrated with birth parents (beyond frustrated sometimes!). We expected it would be budget stretching, emotionally exhausting, marriage building (or testing!) The list goes on. However, the part that took me completely by surprise was the heart wrenching experience of turning down a referral that you desperately, with all of your heart, want to take. The circumstances surrounding this case are the worst kind, and I am still wrestling with God over “why?”. Why God would you allow these circumstances for this child? Why God would you not allow me to take this on? Why? My heart is just crushing with the weight of it.
I look at these three beautiful babes in my home and I am overwhelmed with two concurring emotions: a deep thankfulness that none of these has ever experienced what I learned about today and a deep, crushing sadness that any child ever has. I don’t have all the answers, but I take comfort today in the knowledge that my God sees this child who I cannot take. He sees and knows and will provide what this child needs. And He who created this child, and my own beautiful babies, allowed His own baby, His son, to be “…pierced for our transgressions, crushed for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” Isaiah 53:5
It’s the craziest of feelings when sometimes obedience means doing nothing. You want to rush into battle, right into the thick of this fight, this ministry that looks so “right”. You’re saying, “There’s such a huge need here Lord!”. But, God is telling you “Be still.” As we see in Isaiah, and throughout Scripture, God is no stranger to pain, to abuse, to circumstances both unimaginable and heart wrenching, and He has paid for my (our!) healing by His wounds. I’m so thankful for that hope, and I ask you to join me in praying that God would provide exactly the right home for this child (and so many others!) and that they could know this hope.